My Faith Walk

The Early Years

I grew up in Frederick, Md. I was George and Laura's baby boy, the 5th of 5. I am the typical baby of the family, easy going and the entertainer. We went to the Lutheran Church faithfully, with Mom and Dad on various committees and leadership positions. I do not remember ever making a statement of faith or "being saved." It was pretty much assumed that good church goers would go to heaven. I was confirmed at age 13, which to me just meant I could receive communion, which consisted of a wafer and wine - real wine! I'm sure there were very spiritual people in our church, but I didn't recognize them as such. Yet, I can remember when Mom was cleaning up after an evening session, I would go into the sanctuary and sit in the dark. Something felt like it was pulling me into a special place. I didn't understand what that was, but I "felt" it. I never got into any big trouble - the usual pranks, skipping school but nothing serious. I do remember one event - my good friend Chris and I went to his cabin on the Chesapeake Bay, probably in my junior year of high school. It was spring, near Easter, and as we rode in his boat on a gorgeous day, I felt the Lord speak to my heart. "I'm real!" was the extent of it. I never mentioned it. And didn't know what to do with it, but it made an impression on me.

After graduating, I knew college was not the place for me. I got a job, did well, got married, and had a son. Seeing that little guy did a number on me. I couldn't believe the amount of love and responsibility that came over me. And, my next thought was, "Do my parents love me as much as I love him?" And the next thought was really troubling - Does the Father God love me that way, too? It seemed love from a parent to a child was much more intense than child to parent. It was sobering, to say the least. The next years were tumultuous and ended in divorce. I was seeking anything and ended up going to a Mormon church for a while. After the divorce, things went downhill. I lost weight, even to the point where my grandmother told my mom, "We're going to be walking slow behind that boy!" I was a lonely mess, dating but unhappy. I'm not a drinker but sometimes the only way I could sleep was after drinking a couple beers. I hated the bar scene and took classes at the community college hoping to meet new people (actually, wanting to meet decent women!)

And, it happened. At an adult ed class, I was sitting waiting for the class to start, when in walked a beautiful lady, wearing a hat and stylishly late. The class would have us break up into small groups and participate in discussions. They would have us count off and I would always (secretly, of course) count to see if I could be at that lady's table. Week after week, I would try to position myself so I could get in a table with her. Finally, after MONTHS of trying, I was a #2 and she was a #2, but the facilitator said NO, you're going to be a #1. I argued, but alas, it didn't happen. I think he was on to me. But, the following week, it worked out. We were at a table together at last! During a break, we were making small talk and she showed a picture of her 3 darling little girls. Looking at the picture, I commented with all the sincerity I could muster, "Wow, they have beautiful eyes, just like their mother!" Seriously, does that sound like a line? Yeah, she did too. But, walking out to our cars, I asked if she'd like to go to the Baltimore Zoo with our kids - and she said, "YES!" We went and had a great time. So, I mustered my courage later in the week and asked her out for a Saturday night date, just the two of us, and she said "NO!" but quickly added, "I can go Friday night!" And we did.

A New Chapter

We started dating regularly. I was smitten pretty early, Jeanette not so much. I bought a small 2 bedroom house near Harpers Ferry. She lost a job that included an apartment, so she moved in with me. It was crowded, but things were progressing nicely. I did notice that she read her Bible occasionally - And she had written in it and underlined certain passages! The horror! Who does such a thing?? What kind of person was she?? She even drug me to a little United Methodist Church with her several times. Surely she doesn't take this stuff too seriously, right? I mean, c'mon. Then, tragedy struck. Her father collapsed at work - it was a brain tumor. Jeanette had to be with her mother for an extended time. I took care of the kids, trying to keep a regular schedule. And she realized that I was a decent man, the kind she'd like to marry. So, eventually, the subject came up and a decision was made - we'd get married! But there were forces - spiritual forces - that didn't want that to happen. Even in my spiritually comatose state, I saw it. I got a letter from a woman that I had been in a rebound affair after my separation from my ex. Rebounds are so emotional - if you know, you know! She wanted to get back together, even though it had been years. A little voice told me to keep it, in case Jeanette and I didn't work out. But even in my state, I was like, "No, we're getting married!" It was trash day and I had put the cans at the curb. As I threw the letter into the trash bag, I literally felt power go out of me and exclaimed, "Whoa!" I left the house for a couple hours and when I returned, the trash company hadn't come yet. But, birds had gotten into the trash, and one thing was laying on the ground - that letter. So I had to go, pick it up and throw it away again. Hmmm. Coincidence? I think not. Jeanette received a letter from a similar person in her life. Then, her ex sent her flowers - to my house, no less - with a suggestion that they get back together. it was apparent to us both that some thing or some one did not want us to get married. And it just strengthened our resolve to do so. So we talked to the pastor of the little church Jeanette had been going to and we set the date. We married, with her little girls as bridesmaids and my son as the best man. We honeymooned in Williamsburg, Va and started our new life together.

Spiritually, our life together started to blossom. We found a little Bible believing Charismatic church. We started going to Bible studies. We went on a 3 day weekend called Cursillo. We went on a Marriage Encounter weekend. We attended a one year Word of Faith Bible College run by "crazy eyes" Bob Tilton. Yes, it was a name it, claim it prosperity ministry, but we learned a lot about who Jesus was. We were seeking a relationship with the Lord and He was delivering. We strengthened our marriage with the slogan, "Divorce is not an option!" But as great as our spiritual life was taking off, all other elements were drowning. Everything that can be shaken, will be shaken! And as Jerry Lee Lewis would say, there was a 'whole lotta shakin going on!' Our finances took a terrible turn. I had to sell the house and we moved in with Jeanette's Mom to help take care of her Dad. He was recovering from his brain tumor but never the same. Physically he was weakened, but mentally acted like a child.

Moving into Margaret’s house was a huge mistake for us. She had first grandchild syndrome for our Stacey (Jeanette’s oldest) big time. Stacey could do no wrong, even though she was doing some pretty serious stuff. I was the mean old Stepfather. Stacey “ran away” to a friends house and the mantra became, “Stacey’s leaving and it’s all Steve’s fault!” We went to family counseling at a great Christian ministry. We finally made the decision to move. Stacey started living with her grandmother until her actions caused Margaret to lay down the law. Then, she’d move in with her Dad for a month or two until he got fed up with her actions, then come to us for a week or two. And then repeat the cycle. One time at our house, Stacey attacked Jeanette and hit her several times, giving her a concussion. During one of these cycles, Margaret took Jeanette to court and claimed Jeanette was an unfit mother. Funny, Jeanette was only an unfit mother to Stacey. Margaret didn't want her two sisters. This continued for YEARS. Writing all of this is painful. I’ve often said that if a Genie arrived and offered me ten million dollars to live through that time again, I wouldn’t even consider it. The physical, emotional and spiritual stress was horrible.

If this was the only stressful situation going on at that time, you could say it was a consequence of our divorce and trying to blend 2 families together. But, there was so much other crap happening. Jeanette’s ex lost his job and stopped paying child support. We were already in bad financial straits, so I couldn’t pay my child support. I got hauled into court for that. We started a cleaning business, tried to get too big without watching the books closely, and got in trouble with the IRS. My ex remarried and her new husband wanted to go in to ministry – Great, right? Except he needed to move 600 miles away to Louisville Ky for school. Broke my heart to only see my son during summer vacations and occasional holidays. Heidi, our middle daughter, saw that Stacey was getting away with murder while living with her grandmother and decided she wanted a piece of the pie, too. She moved in with her grandmother. Who could blame her? I’d probably have done the same when I was 17. Heidi didn’t know better, but Margaret should have! Wendy, the youngest, fell in love at 17. She went and asked Margaret if she could move in with them, too. Finally, Margaret said no. But it hurt Wendy immensely. Her boyfriend Jeff came and asked if we would give permission for them to get married. Ummm, NO. I did offer that if they waited till Wendy graduated from High School, I would throw a wedding the next day. Nope, not good enough. So, they decided to run away to Texas together. I called Jeff’s dad, and while explaining the situation, Jeff’s mother made the statement, “Jeff’s leaving and it’s all Steve’s fault!” Precisely the wording from years earlier. I felt the Lord showing me this had demonic influence

Having gone to a 'Name it, Claim it' school and church, we were naming and claiming as hard as we could. But a spiritual force that wanted to kill, steal and destroy seemed to have the upper hand. I’ll admit, there were times I wanted to throw in the towel and forget all this Jesus stuff we had learned, but we knew too much. In John 6:68, Peter says, “Lord, where else would we go? You have the words of eternal life.” That’s where we were. And, when I was down, Jeanette was up, and vice versa. We could only cling to the Word and each other. Some days, we were just putting one foot in front of the other, trying to make it through another day.

Jeanette decided to go back to Shepherd and get her bachelors degree in nursing. I threw myself into church ministries and serving on teams for the Walk to Emmaus. I led worship, served on committees, led the youth group and some weeks I was at church 6 days a week. We also became Foster Parents. It seemed like a natural fit, after being a step parent and dealing with troubled teen situations. We had twenty some kids go through our home, with teen girls being our “specialty”. It was kinda like the Lord taking our scars and putting them to good use.

The Final Chapter?

After fostering for 15 years, we decided to stop. Wow, an empty nest! We got a letter from our agency in November officially closing our home. In December, five days before Christmas, one of our former foster daughters came a knocking. “Dad, they cut off my water! Can I come in and take a shower? What do you say to that? “Of course! Come on in!” Jeanette was a nurse at a hospital and I called her to tell her the news. “The camel’s nose is under the tent flap,” I told her. In January, another foster daughter came back, with a little one. So the nest was once again full! They stayed until late spring. In October, Jeanette got a call from Tammy, who had gotten us involved with foster care. She and her husband couldn’t have children and had fostered many kids. The agency had called her about a little girl in Morgantown hospital. She had been born at 26 weeks, weighed a pound and a half and had a tracheostomy. She had been in several hospitals since her birth in March. Her parents had only been to see her several times and she was exhibiting signs of failure to thrive. Since Jeanette was a nurse, they wanted her to go with Tammy to spend the night, learn how to take care of her and bring the baby home. Of course, Jeanette said YES! That evening, Jeanette called from the hospital. I heard Tammy say something in the background – “This baby isn’t for me, she supposed to be yours!” Calmly, with high emphasis, I told Jeanette, “We are NOT taking a baby!” Jeanette replied, “I know, honey. I’m just here to help Tammy.” “JEANETTE,” I said, “WE ARE NOT TAKING A BABY!” Famous last words!! They took the baby to Tammy’s home, but several days later, the trach came out, they couldn’t get it back in, the baby turned blue, and they flew her back to Morgantown. Not a week passes and Jeanette comes to me and tells me, “We need to take that baby.” Umm, NO. “NO, we don’t!” I replied. “Will you pray about it?” She asked. “Sure honey, I’ll pray real hard!” I lied. But I did. I told the Lord, “She’s gone off the deep end! You gotta change her mind!” Every day, Jeanette would ask, “So, have you been praying about it?” “Sure honey, praying real hard!” I replied. Finally, after several days, Jeanette asked, rather harshly, “What is your problem? That baby needs someone to take care of her.” “Listen,” I said. “She almost died in Tammy’s home. If that happened here, we would be devastated! Not to mention, the legal problems and the birth parents declaring that we killed their baby!” “I’m telling you that baby is healthy,” she replied. “Yes, she has a trach but we can manage it.” And then she went in for the kill! I had led a Walk to Emmaus weekend and I had chosen the theme, “If not you, who? If not now, when?” “What was your theme on the weekend?” she asked, innocently. I only got the “O” of OK out before she had dialed the phone and told our agency we would take Jada. And Jeanette was right, she is healthy. The trach needs attention and someone needs to be with her in case it comes out, but she’s never spent the night in the hospital except for testing. Jada has Cerebral Palsy and uses a wheelchair. She can’t speak except for saying “Momma” and “Amen!” (And I have tried so hard to get her to say “Daddy!”) She’s smart and uses an iPad for communication. A couple years passed and the birth mom had Abby and we took her. And then Stephanie was born, and we have her too. We have adopted all three. We know of one more at least, but our nest was full and at our age, we said “no.” We hope the girls can someday connect with their sibling(s)?

Being parents of teens in our seventies is a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade our life for anything. I continue to lead worship at our small church early service. We have great relationships with most of our kiddos – whether biological, step, foster or adopted. And, most importantly, we are blessed by our Lord!

Our Wedding Photo! Look how little and how cute!!

Look at them ears!

At the beach

We went to Harpers Ferry to get an old time photo taken dressed like this, and visitors to the park stopped and took pictures of us. I guess they thought we were part of the Park Service! The photographer had the males stand on blocks to even out the picture, not due to any shortness!